I was very keen on having my child in hospital but when she came too quickly for us to get there Krishinda delivered her expertly at home. Her after care was impeccable, coming to give me and the baby check ups in the comfort of our own home. Carrying out all the checks a midwife is supposed to. I had a good experience the first time round in hospital in the UK, but this has been even better. I believe I have a good milk supply, get a decent amount of sleep, and have a fat, tall, alert and thriving baby in great part because Krishinda has overseen our care with her calm, supportive expertise. I can’t recommend Krishinda enough.
I had PND and kept flashing back to how I’d failed and how we’d nearly lost our baby, and my deep dark secret thought “If we lose him they’ll all blame me for choosing a home birth”
So while I still harbored dreams of an idyllic home birth for Elisa, we couldn’t face going through all that again, and we decided to lower our expectations and go for as natural as possible hospital birth.
I was also very clear on the fact I needed to do it all in English this time – even though I was fluent at the time of Aleix’s birth, I saw after that not having to worry about communication on any level was an important factor in being able to relax totally for the birth I wanted.
Telling our care providers was hard, as they’d helped birth Aleix, but our doctor immediately recommended Krishinda to support us with the pregnancy, “ a woman who laughs with every cell of her body”. They offered us the option of having Krish with us at home for most of the labour then moving to a hospital when things were really moving along.
Krish was warm, understanding, funny, down to earth, experienced and I felt I would not have to justify any choices with her. She took the time to get to know both of us, coming to our flat and charming Aleix first off, giving me amazing massages which helped me get comfortable being naked with her.
Something key was her digging out from us what we really really wanted for the birth. I hadn’t realized how alone I’d felt in Aleix’s birth – even though Carlos was with me, he was kind of kept on the sidelines so I wouldn’t have to worry about him. Krish helped unearth that this time I wanted him really really with me, and part of the story. As the pregnancy went on I realized too how much I still really wanted a home birth.
As the day grew nearer and I did more reading, more prep classes, more mental preparation, I started to admit more openly how I secretly wanted a home birth – it also seemed that the window for us to get to the hospital without shutting down the proceedings was going to be quite slim. We discussed this with Krish and she reassured us that if a home birth happened, it happened, which also helped put my mind at ease. I felt i had everything covered and the best of both worlds.
(backwards and forwardsing..)
My waters broke, we went to see Krish who was happy with things progressing slowly and gently. I had a wonderful relaxing oxytocin release session with my osteopath which left me floating and ready to have an orgasmic birth.
The bubble burst when we informed our gyno of the situation and she told us to come in immediately – bye-bye oxytocin, hello adrenaline. I was already predicting that they’d have me go straight to hospital, do not pass home, do not collect birthing ball or midwife…and we’d end up missing out on our low expectation version of natural birth too. We even lied about how long ago my waters had broken, saying it was 4 hours instead of 12(?) this backfired as my gyno had thought it’d just happened, and things got a little more urgent. We managed to negotiate a stay of grace until the next day, and if nothing had happened by then I’d have to accept an induction.
Krish came round to bring the birthing pool and give me a clary sage massage to get things moving again. Her calm, grounded presence helped me relax again – at least we were back at home, at least I’d get to do some of it as I’d hoped.
I’d had lentils previously and could feel them starting to take effect, so as Krish was massaging me I couldn’t quite relax, not wanting to let out great lentilly farts! Finally, as the contractions started, I gave in, quite discretely i thought. Later Krish told me that she had been feeling my tension and was focussing on bringing my energy “down, down, down. Then when you started farting I knew you were mine!”
The contractions were then coming regularly, and again, i thought discretely, so much so that i was holding up fingers to show Carlos what was going on – of course, it was all quite obvious to both of them.
Krish started setting up the pool in the playroom and realized that instead of picking up part of the kit, she’d picked up her birthing bag without thinking. After some phone calls her son was in a taxi bringing the rest of the pool.
After the massage I barely had time for 2 urgent poo dashes before Elisa started her journey properly. I think i spent most of the time on my hands and knees on the floor, my son’s coloured letter mats. It all seemed to be happening a lot faster than the first time round, contractions were intense but i felt i was riding them better, even though they came close together pretty early on.
I was facing Carlos who I used as my cushion and battering ram and stress ball – between contractions i rested on him and during them, while he supported me as i hung off him, I drove my head into his tummy and grabbed at his t-shirt to hold onto. During the first labour, I’d bitten the arm he’d held out for me to hang off. This time he admitted that given our position and me Tshirt grabbing he feared for his packet!! I learnt this time how to relax my tummy into my hand with the contractions, that that lessened the intensity making them much more bearable, tho it took an effort to remember to do that and not instinctively contract (!) against the pain. I roared, growled and felt quite unselfconscious making noises – turned out that in this I had been much more discrete than I’d thought. Meanwhile, Krish was helping put up the pool, pottering in the kitchen, I wasn’t even aware she was around except for this magical presence during the contractions when she came and put her weight onto my sacrum, and poof!! no more pain! It worked like a dream!
I got to the “ I can’t go on!” part and Carlos didn’t have the heart to tell me it hadn’t even been 2 hours. “ I want to push!” I moaned, and Krish said OK. This time, I actually felt little Elisa’s head descend, and even now have a memory of it being like a corkscrew. A few real, timely pushes,in response to my body’s need (as opposed to 6 hours of pushing before time with Aleix) and Elisa plopped out, pink and rosy and shriveled, into Krish’s hands. Then straight up onto my chest she went as I, elated, kept grinning “We did it! We did it!” Almost immediately I felt that I had been healed of all that didn’t go right with Aleix’s birth, and that Elisa’s easy arrival marked a new phase in more ways than we had hoped for.
Elisa latched on easily within the hour, the placenta came out happily, everything was a pinky orangy hazy joy. I don’t think we slept much that night, we were on such a high, which felt even higher compared to our first experience. We drank placenta smoothy, all stuff was cleared up discretely – the pool never even got a look in, my only regret!
All I wanted from then on was to chill,enjoy my body,
my time and forget the outside world all together and try not to spend the rest of the pregnancy traumatized.
I started to call around,talked to several midwifes,saw a couple( one of them was scary!!!!)and realized that
I was not in love with any of them really and it was bloody expensive…I was stuck…
I wanted to talk to someone about what happened to me while pregnant and how could I prepare myself to avoid feeling that something else could go wrong during the birth.
I needed to regain trust in the process,trust in other people,trust my own strength…
I found a post about a support group for traumatized mums after birth run by Krishinda and I got in touch….
She responded straight away and invited me to come to visit her in a naturist centre where she was working.
She smiled,she listened and listened…I still remember today the impact of that first meeting on me..
It was the first time I was opening my mouth and telling out loud to someone what had happened to me.
Someone who seems to be understanding and compassionate enough,it was such a relief.
It was actually the first time I was hearing myself feeling so defenseless and vulnerable and I fell apart here and there.
She picked up from there and started her magic….
She knew how to gentle me out with that huge amount of resentment I was carrying inside…
She sensed that the main problem was that nobody was trustworthy enough and she worked with me bit by bit until I felt she was family….
Krishinda has a contagious laugh and an amazing outlook on life which can hook anybody…
Apart from the great professional that she has been with me,she is a remarkable human being that has all my respect and admiration.
Not only I had mental but physical blockage too.
She taught me how to breath,how to visualize…
Her hands became my gentle balm to ease my ache and pains.
Little by little she unblocked me…
She was helping me to reconnect with baby in so
many different ways.
I felt precious,I felt special…
She was my guide,my carer,my sister,my family…
Any difficulty or obstacle ,Krish was always there to respond to find a solution to find an answer…
In my life in that space in time there was no more reason to be tense or anxious,there was finely
room only for the moment,to be belly woman and nothing else…
I totally let go in that moment in time…
The complicated mind had to go to leave room for the animal woman to show.
I could Finally center myself on building up my nest…
I had entered my state of pregnant bliss…
23 of march 2013 I’m having contractions,nothing new as I have been having them for weeks…
Only this time around they are not going away a couple of hours later and I can tell there are not the nasty painful ones I’m used to…
As I have been talking to baby in the last couple of weeks,telling my little man that mama is ready to meet him and he is quite welcome whenever he feels like it.
It’s 9 am and I am certain that he is on his way…
Funnily enough I’m very calm,in great shape and in a wonderful mood that morning.
I knock on papa’s shoulder to wake him up
(how come most men are always asleep when the time comes??…)
And clearly his face is a movie in technicolor so quite happy with the effect of my big news on him,I get out of bed and go find the future grandmother to play some more at my new game…
As I am behaving with normality that morning daddy and grandma are so exited and nervous that is for me the best entertainment in town.
We contacted Krish,started to pace the contractions and prepared the room for the water birth.
I was doing a great job until 6pm,breathing and coping on my own with the process then It was quite clear that I needed my midwife…
The pain was getting stronger and stronger only the pool could get me some relief and it did a lot better that in my wildest dreams…
Krish and Vanessa had installed themselves with their kit,the family was freaking out a bit each one of them in their own style and I started to focus on the work ahead,joining hands with my sister…
I did go through each stage in a state of daze ,most of the time focusing on my breathing,trying to let go of my mental rubbish and what was going on around me in the room.
During the longest of time at that point I had lost track of time,the only disturbance was having to get out of the pool to go to the loo and come back.
All I knew was that night time was upon us and it was not yet the 24th.
I was doing great with contractions listening to my guide,her gentle voice was exactly what I needed to hear with the right intonation.She was close but giving me space,she would intervene and speak only when necessary.
And then I had to go back to the loo once more as
I was passing though the door, I was taken by surprised by a full blown contraction without the comfort of the warm water or helping of the breathing.
That pain broke my spirit and stab me in the back,it had nothing to do with what I felt so far…
My body entered in chock ,I lost my balance started to feel nauseous and vomited…
(Who said I was supposed to have a quick wee???)
Man that was hell I was at that point I dreaded so hard…
The contractions were out of control so close between each other and painful,I didn’t have a chance to try to regain control as I didn’t have time to breathe in between.
(Oh yeah mama !!Out of the daze in the blink of an eye!!! )
I totally lost the plot couldn’t even get back to the pool( was there a pool in the house??)
I managed to end up in the room closest to the bathroom which was my bedroom.I started to dance like a nervous reptile every time I was getting another blow which was non stop…I was looking for the magic position and there was none…
(Exercise routine anyone??Up and down,left and right.)
I was desperately looking for a break of some sort while completely panicking.
To my senses it lasted for ever…
(That’s when Caribbean bad ass woman arrived in town!!!)
I lost my temper and was angry with the all situation…
My big mouth got in action and I was back in the pool in a splish splash!!!
I had enough and it was loud and clear…
Totally unfocused now looking in the dark at Krish with my killer eyes,my complicated brain got in action…
Where are we???Are far did I get???
(You’re not answering me straight..Don’t play half answers with me,I thought…)
She senses my negative vibe
I reckon,somehow she got me back on track applying the right amount of firmness in her voice and getting hold of my hands.
It took a bit of adjusting to another level of strength with contractions but channelling breathing and voice together,I regain my rhythm…
And mother nature got me another break just enough to get me to the coronation in one piece…
The contraction were really strong and in sequence but I was getting long breaks in between,falling almost asleep…And yes emitting those very raw and bizarre sounds with the deepest of my voice while going through the intensity was transforming the pain in something else…
It was violent,animal and primitive but it was something else!!!I was feeling mentally more and more detached from what was going on inside my body.
My body had a life of his own,the intensity was incredible.
I was in the middle of an internal earthquake.
The last course of contractions while baby was showing the tip of his head,was shaking my entire body,I was not in possession of my legs anymore,
it felt like I was separating myself in two…
My mind was contemplating the full strength of what mother nature was capable of….
My mere body became a simple shell that was channelling pure energy,powerful life energy…
I had to push,it was for me impossible to control even though Krish was telling me to hold back…
I lost myself completely in that storm of waves that were getting stronger and stronger until…
I was almost about to faint when baby came out to greet us with his presence.
We got out of the pool helped out by the entire petit comité and got to the bed,it was unreal..
I was still drugged with hormones,exhaustion and out of it..
It was over,baby was on my breast,I could feel him with every single pore of my skin but my mind was not yet able to make sense of what had just happened.
I remember coming back to my senses witnessing another comic scene courtesy of Russian man…
Vanessa passed the baby to his dad while Krish was taking care of me.
The first thing he did was open the towel to contemplate his male legacy while grandma was counting fingers from a distance..
I was observing and listening to daddy flipping about the fact that his baby boy family jewels were as brown as his mommy while baby was as pink as his own bottom after a winter in Siberia.
I will never forget Krish glance in disbelief asking him if he realized that all that time he had an Afro Caribbean woman in his bed…
After a little while waiting for my body to exit the ultimate trace of baby journey in my own very personal and intimate resort…
Someone said ,well daddy would you mind dressing that poor creature before he’ll catch a cold.?!
Here it was..Baby had pooped to say hello all over his daddy…
I had to pinch myself not to laugh too hard,that was my kid here and there,telling it how it is with scatologic Caribbean humor and all!!!
I was back with a separate piece of my genes into this world…
Krishinda Powers Duff how can we thank you??!!!
There are no words that can express our gratitude.
How honored and blessed we feel to have had the opportunity to live in your great company such a transforming ground breaking adventure.
You will always be part of this family….
Difícilmente podría esperar algo más de alguien que me acompañe en uno de esos momentos tan importantes de mi vida. Me cuesta abrir mi mundo a otros en esos momentos tan íntimos pero con Krishinda fue fácil.
Giving birth to Indigo Mar
Doula Victoria …. said that where we come from is very important in the way we see birth. True. I´m from Holland where home birth is very normal and common, I was born at home myself. So when I was pregnant with Mila, my first feeling was that I wanted to give birth at home. But being in Spain, a country where home birth is, at this moment, rather alternative then normal, I felt unsure. And we chose for a hospital with a protocol for natural birth. Things didn´t exactly went as we wished and Mila came into this world trough a c-section. Something, that I feel, could have been avoided if we were better prepared, had more support and had gotten more time. But all that seemed unimportant at that moment when we were only enjoying our little girl who was now with us.
Two years later we are happily expecting our second baby girl. This time I was sure I did not want to give birth at the hospital, now that I started looking back at the previous experience. I was determined to have my home birth this time. Alberto was not as sure as I was at the beginning of our journey. but after talking to various midwifes who assist home birth after cesarian he also became comfortable with the home birth idea. We agreed that what I needed, to be able to give natural birth to our second child, was a save place with the right support and assistance and time. I knew that this wonderful formula wasn´t for me to find in the hospital not even the ones with special protocols.
And then we met Krishinda. Without even discussing it much, me and Alberto both knew that we wanted her to be that important person who could give us that assistance for the home birth that we now both were dreaming of. It just felt right with her. Calm and serene while powerful and passionate about her profession. She immediately understood our first birth experience and our expectations for the second. It was only after deciding for Krishinda as our midwife that I found how nice it was talking to her. So happy to find somebody who gives hope instead of fear and answers instead of doubts about bringing babies to this world. apart from the actual birth, after our meetings I always felt lighter, more free of stress and sure of myself and what I was doing. She is supportive in many ways.
At three at night it started, exactly the same as with Mila, contractions, soft but sure. I Knew that also this time things would be slow but today or tomorrow we would meet our girl. And just as Krishinda had said things calmed down when Mila woke up. I did some cooking, shopping and cleaning in order to have it all the way I had planned it. The three of us went to Mila´s playgroup and it felt so special being there and trying to talk and listen to people while I knew that the moment was so near. Contractions had been going on all day, very bearable but persistent. When I left to go home and get some rest I lost the mucus plug on the toilet. It really felt like I had gotten quite some work done, while having something like a normal day. We made our living room birth ready. It looked so nice. With the pool, the yoga mat, the birthing ball, all the soft lighting and the special muscliest I had made for this moment playing. Then when we put Mila to bed for the night and just as Krishinda had said things speeded up and the contractions started to get stronger.
I had a little moment of anxiousness. I felt like I had to do something with everything so prepared. But Alberto was there to assure me that things would happen when they needed to and that I should rest now that I still could and I actually fell asleep in between contractions arround my bedtime hour. But then there was no more way around them and I needed to work with the contractions. I did the mindfulness exercises during and in between the contractions and soon I was in my bubble. I walked around, sat on the ball and yoga mat and then went in to the tub. Alberto was so sweet taking care of me and making sure I was eating and drinking. When Krishinda was on her way over I felt some urge to push with the contractions. Alberto got really nervous, but I knew there was no way I would push baby out yet. Krishinda came and I remember feeling very calm and confident with her presence. Soon Amy followed and I remember thinking how lucky I was having all these sweet people around me who would know what to do when I wouldn´t. I came out of the tub, and later went in to my own bathtub and there is where the first real pushing contractions started. And how oblivious of me, thinking it would be max another 2 hours and baby would be out. Things were slower than that. I was pushing for hours and at some point I felt the sac break and the amniotic fluid swirl into the pool. I could feel her head with my fingers but there was still a lot of work ahead of us. I was so tired. Tired of many hours without sleep, throwing up, contractions etc. At this point I got a melt down. I wanted some kind of mathematical answer to my questions, how far is baby down, how much more, how much longer how many more pushes?? Krishinda assured me that those answers don´t exist in childbirth. She said she could not tell me “when” I would push baby out. But that she was very sure I “could” push baby out. I understood that nobody could do the work for me, I was the only one who could get her out. So I got myself together and went back trying to be as mindful as I could and do what I needed to do. While visualizing my little girl coming out and holding her. In the morning Loli arrived. she came to be with Mila who had been sleeping the whole night.
It felt so good to have her near. I had been preparing her for this moment and it seemed she took it quite well. Several more hours of pushing later with quite a lot of assistance of Krishinda and many different places and positions I got the second melt down and I remember thinking I could not go on much longer. I was worn out. The hours of pushing had made me so weak and it felt like it was never going to happen. Krishinda told me that I had to know that I was free to go to the Hospital to get baby out with the suction cup but that I would probably deliver in the taxi. I felt terrible because I really did not want to go to the hospital but I also felt I could not push anymore. Alberto talked to me. We had gotten so far, we could already see her head and the last thing I wanted was going to the hospital. It was then, while there was some chaos about going or not going to move, when another contraction came, another push and then for the first time I felt she was almost there. I had to be upright, but I was to weak to stand. They prepared “the queen throne” Alberto and Amy were both on a chair and I sat on 1 of each knee my arms around their shoulders and Krishinda on the floor in front of me. And that was when and how I pushed her out. First the head and then in the second contraction she was there. In my arms, on my chest, my beautiful Indigo was born. We laid on the sofa and I could look at her for the first time. So amazed about the whole journey we had together.
There she was, that little person that had been growing inside of me.
And there was my Mila next to me, sharing this wonderful moment together. She was quite impressed of seeing her little sister. A little traumatized of all the pushing I didn´t want to push the placenta out, but of course that was nothing compared to baby. I finally started to feel like me again. I felt I wanted to talk forever after being in my bubble for such a long time. And I could now be with all these lovely people who were with me helping me and sharing these intense happenings. And then the best part, being in my own house, going to my own bed with my new baby with Mila and Alberto there. I was so happy that we made the right decision for me to be able to have this birth.
Hiske Ter Veld
Krishinda is a kind, genuine midwife who has infinite patience and love for her important work. As an American who only speaks English, having Krishinda’s support through my pregnancy in Barcelona was so important to me. My “plan” was to labor at home and then have her accompany me to the hospital for an epidural and delivery, but my baby had other ideas. Krishinda arrived at my apartment after I had been having contractions for 20 minutes back to back. She then delivered my second daughter in less than 30 minutes on my bed! I am so grateful for her wonderful energy and knowledge. Any worries or anxieties I had about the unplanned natural home birth were settled by her encouragement and confidence in me. At one moment, a moment I will never forget, she looked me square in the eye and said “You are strong, you can do this. I am here with you.” When my baby’s head was born, Krishinda exclaimed, “Your baby has dimples!”
possible. First, having a baby in Spain in August meant having very few
options. But, unlike pretty much everyone else, Krishinda agreed to stay
close and be available. My water broke six weeks early, on vacation, two
hours from the hospital. As always, Krishinda immediately answered the
call and gently, but firmly, suggested that we make our way back and meet
her there. A hospital birth was not what I wanted. But from the moment of
meeting her in the waiting room through eleven hours of labor, and weeks
after, she was the sage rock we needed to help navigate unfamiliar and
Barcelona hospital, her steadfast presence clearly influenced the young
medical team and she helped us negotiate what was negotiable. As such, I
was basically left alone and our son made his way into the world on his
time. With no mediation or intervention, I felt pretty euphoric almost
immediately crazily telling my husband I wanted to have another baby
less than 48 hours after delivery! Krishna¹s support at home was even more
valuable. She answered every text message almost immediately and always
provided excellent support, guidance and supplemental information. Her
warmth and wisdom were so welcome as we wrestled the insecurity of new
made us a placenta smoothie! Krishinda will forever be an important part
of our family and we are ever grateful for her knowledge, spirit and
generosity. I feel incredibly lucky to have found her. And if we have
another baby, it will not be without Krishinda.
Jennifer, Dani and Sam Casas Catino
All I want to say is that I wish every mother-to-be (dad-to-be!) should receive the same treatment & birth that I had.
I was respected, not rushed despite the 3 day labour!, and had the greatest chance of giving birth at home.
Not many women have received such a gift.
Krishinda has the talent of being knowledgeable about her work, reassuring, takes time to listen & cares about you & makes you laugh & relax… I haven’t been able to find all those in many people!
It was more than appreciated when I was pregnant & frightened or terrified about giving birth.
I didn’t even question being at home for birth – she made it feel the right decision & the safest place to be!
I hope many more women will receive this opportunity to give life with her.
All my love Krishinda & may your working life as a midwife be the longest ever!!
Alexxxx & big THEO!!
She and my talented doula, Viviana Olivera, worked as a team and improvised together brilliantly to burst my waters and get things going when progress stalled due to an anterior cervical lip issue. With some cunning gymnastics and fast brainstorming on their part the issue was quickly resolved and baby dispatched. I will forever be in awe of Viviana and Krishinda’s combined and specialised knowledge, their confidence and unflappable ability to think fast on their feet. I don’t think I could have had a better team than Krishinda and Viviana. They were birthing titans and I feel truly blessed to have had such kind and empowering champions at my side. What is remarkable to me is that this dream-team had only worked together once before !
Krishinda’s midwife care and support after the birth was lovely: she was attentive, kind and consistent. Baby and me felt truly cared for and that’s a wonderful thing when you are new to the world or you are tired and sore and your own family live far away.
A gigantic thank you from me and my little family.
Thank you Krishinda for the great care you gave me before, during and after my second baby’s delivery. You answered any questions I had with confidence and professionalism. You made me feel relaxed and comfortable during labour and I felt I was in safe hands with you. After baby was born, your loving care, knowledge and experience were very important for me, especially as I had very little network or family here. All the best.
Krishinda supports you from a place of knowledge born from study and experience. She knows what you need before you even know it, and knows not to tell you until you discover it by yourself. It’s wonderful how she’s always a step ahead of you and ready to support you. All of this stress-free. We are immensely grateful for the wonderful caring support we received from her for the home births of two of our children.
To one of my best teachers in life the incomparable miss Krishinda. She gave me hope and faith in a process that is really so natural. I felt like it was just any other night hanging out with friends, the lovely Regan and Amy as my doulas, my rock of a husband Markel mister magic maker. And my son who somehow fell asleep through it all. I can say the night my second son Ander was born was other worldly. My midwife Krishinda was actually not even in Barcelona but on a plane from London when I went into labor but I waited for her just about. Just as my husband was about to call the replacement midwife Krishinda called as she had just landed and saw a bunch of WhatsApp messages. In no time she was in our house and in control of the situation. I had utmost confidence in myself with her here and utmost confidence in her. I had created the perfect environment, warm pool to soak in, dark room, chill music, candles everywhere … I just wanted to loose my self in the moment and let everything flow. Sounds cliche but it truly was the perfect birthing environment. In the background Krishinda was checking me with a flashlight all in a very subtle way I barely noticed she was there until she said ok Monica stand up and push. Markel and Regan grabbed me and held me up as I gave that last push. And she caught my baby and gave him to me.
The whole evening was so lovely , intense and actually fun. She , Regan and Amy prepared the placenta smoothies for me and my husband. She gave me such great care in the weeks following. Coming to our home to check on me and baby . I so cherished those so needed conversations. I can go on and on about how much Krishinda means to me and how transformative this time in my life was. She truly is living out her calling and I love her.
I would highly recommend anyone considering having a midwife….so profession so and such a lovely person to have by your side x
My happy baby is a testament to her xx